Ok, was that too harsh? yes it was.
Transformers 2 does its best to appeal to as MANY different people as possible. You have Meagan Fox sliding her tight nubile body across curved gleaming bits of chrome and alloy, who apart from cleaning up after every male character in the movie also picks up her own pet transformer.
Which I actually liked. Wheels or wheelie was one of the characters I actually liked, the me he was on the right side of the crazy/stupid line.
There's the whole stuff about 'baby go's to college' which I did not give a flying crap about. We get Sam's mother weeping her head off at finding his lil baby booties, buying some Hash brownies from some 'wacky students' outside and screaming to the world about hearing her son loose his cherry. For fucks sake guys, what kind of movie are you trying to make here? Comedy is fine, but its like you have 2 or 3 films tied together here, and believe me it felt like it. By the time we left the cinema all the lights were being shut down and we were worried we would be locked in. The parents are good actors, and yes, they are good comedians. But this movie just doesn't seem like the appropriate place for this kind of thing. And Mojo humps a bulldog. ugh.
Well, I will say this much, there's a ton of new Transformers here, everyone's backstory is fleshed out more, there's the epic Decepticon base, the motivation behind their rampage of destruction (hatchlings slowly dying due to lack of energon etc) ad the Fallen himself. I've always preferred the Decepticons to the Autobots, and my all time fave of those guys is Starscream. Starscream is the man, love love love that guy. After resurrecting a slightly ungrateful Megatron the two of them go through this great bitch fight throughout the movie, Megatron beating the crap out of him, and Starscream always keeping one foot out of the ring when fighting an enemy.
The fallen himself was pretty good too. Nice to see more of the Decepticon history and the chain of command. I also liked the whole N.E.S.T. thing with the Autobots and the government, despite the fact that Optimus and the rest of the 'good guys' don't seem to take that many prisoners. In fact, they're just about as bloodthirsty as the Decepticons when it comes to killing their own race, hmnnnn.
There's plenty of new Cybertronian dudes in this movie, some epic like the Decepticon doctor Scalpel, some appalling like the Autobot twins, who are the Jar Jar of this movie. Remember when I said you would cringe? you will, believe me. The female bike Arcee wasnt too bad either, although I thought it was 3 sisters or something, nope, 1 transformer controlling 3 seperate parts. Interesting.
The Constructicons deserve a special mention as being uber in their epicness. Yes that was a real sentence. Devastator at the end is just.... I freaking want his babies right now, and Demolisher provided an epic opening battle. Also I liked how Jetfire was portrayed as a Transformer so old he was part of the original civil war, and as such was a Decepticon who had decided screw this and joined the Autobots. And yes, even the Farting parachute bit made me smirk. Plus we also have Pretenders, seekers, Insecticons and all manner of sub groups of the Cybertronian race.
Plus, mild spoiler warning, Transformer heaven. Which is ok, it fits with the lore and the story, so whatever works. One more thing, please ditch the government dude who causes problems for people by acting a dick. Its been done, alot. Although the parachute scene with him and Lennox was pretty freaking funny.
So, long story short, go watch the movie with your friends, have fun, and don't worry about the bad parts, because there's plenty of good bits to make up for it. And there's also plenty of bits where Sam and the humans are on screen, in which case feel free to head to the toilet. Which you will need considering the epic length of this movie.
Oh, and testicle jokes. Thanks, but no thanks.
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